Dearest Soul,

           How ironic things can be recently. I was told lately and in different occasions from many people that I’m so discreet and mysterious regarding my feelings and thoughts.And that I often acted like everything is OK when my looks and expressions tell quite the opposite ;I always smile even with the agony that lies beneath..

          It’s true, I must confess.. but not because I wanted to, but I found myself over the years forced to do so.. Every time I really need to talk to someone no one seems to be interested in listening. Simply because we rearly share something in common . Actually I discovered that beside having several bank accounts , we don’t have lots in common; we don’t read the same books, listen to the same music or watch the same movies; even our social activities differ . And in those rainy days when I really need some one , I keep in searching only to find non.And the fact that I use English alot especially when I’m emotional didn’t help at all, but I really can’t help it ; it was the way I was brought up , this is part of who I am, and I won’t change a bit about it. I discovered that it’s pretty easy to share the laughs rather than being dramatic and spell your guts out. Further more, there is a gab I tried so much time to fulfill, but I always seem to fail. 

         I learnt to step away and held things in the dark..I learnt to listen and never speak out.. I discovered that writing was and still the only means that worked in my case.

        And now after four years working with the same people , I managed to know a lot about them and they know non about me..Ironically neither they or I manage to bridge that gab in between or fulfill the void I feel inside..

        As a matter of fact, they are not bad at all.. The thing is we don’t share the same interests that’s all.. so I guess it’s quite natural that I grew such behaviour.. If they only try to show a genuine caring , things will definitely be different.. If they only could ask out of caring and sharing , not out of sheer curiosity.

         It’s very ironic that I’m described as a discreet person ; and all this time I was trying to reach out to people never got the courtesy to stop for once and try to really listen..  

                                                                                                              

                                                                                                                            The one and only,

                                                                                                                                      T.O.S.

Forever In LOVE,,,

• I love Allah, my lord , my only companion and saviour whose Divine light I eternally seek and pray to illuminate me alive and when my time comes..
• I love the angelic presence of my sweet mom, dad and all of my family members one by one.
• I love my soul that’s unique in its own, such soul that makes me not only alive but also a whole.
• I love my vivid imagination which enables me to escape to wonderful worlds, and provide me with a shelter whenever I needed one.
• I love the peace within which I finally created with my loneliness..” A lone I am and a lone I shall remain..SO WHAT ”.. Yet I’m not really that a lone since Allah is my true companion;so from this prospective I haven’t been and never will be a lone.
• I love the way I always remind myself to” count my blessings” in order to overcome my hardships;whenever I silently suffer I  just remember that all my love ones are safe and sound, and that dawn always comes.
• I love to finally add that I love LOVE itself, and I’m found of being in love with LOVE .. I wish that I’m blessed enough to be loved for love sake..

                                                                     ” But love me for love’s sake, that evermore

                                                                     Thou mayst love on, through love’s eternity.”

      Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

A whisper,,,

For those trapped in a web of lies, fight no more for truth shall prevail.. For those in grief I say tomorrow is another day ..  Have faith in your souls , and behold the beauty found everywhere.. Enough with all the feelings that seep under locked doors, only to burden you with too much pains.. pains force you to shed pearly tears and kill precious dreams..Be aware , poor souls , of those moments created by devilish thoughts only to let sadness and sorrows absorb you deep.. long enough to lose yourselves ,  be sure then you shall be doomed with such henious lost …My fellow friends , remember to love your sweet existence.. and be courageous enough to walk with me that path which leads to invisible worlds where golden rays and silver ones are side by side till the end .. only then we can all  be set free…                                                                                                                                                                                 

Never given the chance to say GOODBYE!!!

”Once upon a time, Once when you were mine ” ..  Once and as I was happily spending my years in college, I had this bitter feeling that I ‘ll be leaving this wonderful place with all it’s ups and downs moments without giving any chance to say a one decent farewell..And as I submitted the final exam paper to the superintended for the last time , the same bitter feeling hit me again.. yet I was so occupied and so happy that I was finally graduating and with honour too, that I dismissed all my fears a way..UNfortunately , that day of my final exam was truely the last day ever of my years in college , and I woke up on a reality where all my fears became real…Due to certain circumstances that were beyond my control I didn’t attend my graduation ceremony, didn’t personally receive my certification in English Literature and I was never given the chance to say goodbye to my friends, professors and to all the places where I used to hang around,, specially that dear library where I always felt that I entered a another world once I got inside… It has been like four years now since I forsake my glorious days , as I like to refer to my days in college , and still never gave up hope that one day I’ll be able to see that dear world of mine, one more last time ; such hopes are highly raised on the way back from the airport, whenever I got any chance to visit my family since I work in a different city, and as I took that quickly glimpse of the road that led to my own college, only to find out later on that all my hopes and attempts were shattered to pieces on the way back !!! YET ,  I soothe my self and say that I”ll never surrender to despair and that I’ll always try and hold on to my aspirations and one day I will definitely succeed… With FAITH everything is possible and within reach…

I am sad ..my dear friend berlenty,,,

my dear friend , one of the most adorable thing I love about you is that your ability to make me laugh no matter how awful I feel, and you know I love to laugh and to smile all the time no matter what…but sweety I’m afraid that this time you made me sad. WHEN AM I GOING TO READ FROM YOU!!!  Is it  possible that you don’t have 10 minutes to log in and comment… or at least read my posts and discuss them with me..my friend I know that you don’t have anytime at all, specially with all that has been going on recently.. but please have pity on the one that cherishes you most , and share with me your wisdom and knowledge..LOL!!!